The other day in class we took a little quiz. Well, we thought it was a quiz and had a mini panic attack because we had no idea that there was going to be one. Long story short, it wasn’t a quiz on The Count of Monte Cristo at all, but a quiz for ourselves. We were asked what made us mad about our families, school, and ourselves. Not your average English activity, right? We weren’t going to turn them in and no one was going to see them; it was just for us. Well, I got a little too absorbed in this activity and as I was reflecting, I actually got in to such a bad mood that I had to stop and think about why I was so angry. I’m weird, I know. Anyway once we had written all the things that had made us mad, we had to go back and write what we could to fix it. So here is what I wrote in a rather large nutshell:
There are so many things that make me angry about my family. But hey, if you don’t get annoyed by them most of the time, do you really care about them? One of the things I listed under this category was how everyone is so nosey. There are literally no secrets because everyone is in each other’s business and, mostly my mom, will ask you questions about where you’re going, who you’re going with, how you’re getting there, etc. in such a way that you feel like it’s a police interrogation. I know what you’re thinking. “She just cares about you and wants to be sure you’re safe,” Well obviously, but it’s just too much sometimes. I’ll tell her all the details but sometimes she just asks way too many questions and it gets on my nerves. And about the no secrets thing, if you say something about one person, they’ll go and tell them what you said. We’re just too open sometimes when I wish there were more boundaries and privacy. What makes me the most angry though is the fact that my dad doesn’t understand me or make an effort to spend time with us. And the cherry on top is when he complains that we never call him or make an effort in the relationship. He’s a difficult one to deal with, I’ll tell you that. I’ll elaborate more maybe in the future about the issues I have with him but now’s not the time. Anyway, I said that I’d try and talk to him about having dinner regularly just so we see him more.
I also get angry about school. Other than the typical “you have to wake up early” and “there’s too much homework”, there are a million reasons why I’m not all hyped up about going to school. It’s so stressful when, really, it shouldn’t be at all. It should be a place where kids enjoy going and it’s not at all. Teachers expect us to have plenty of time to study and do homework. Do they think we don’t have a life? We shouldn’t have to choose between homework, friends, and sports. We should be able to have time for everything so a little (or a lot) less homework would be awesome. Also, I’ve found that teachers are extremely hypocritical. I can’t believe the things some teachers say when they lecture us. They were once teenagers, sooo shouldn’t they know how we think and what we have going on? Obviously not. Another thing that grinds my gears is the fact the you’re told to do whatever interests you in life, but you’re forced to do other things. “Oh you like art? You have to take Calculus to graduate.” They need to stop pretending they’re going to support us with whatever we choose and that we should follow our dreams because they’ve made it clear that it isn’t realistic. There are literally so many things I hate about school so check out my post on why school is killing us all if you care to see that rant. My advice to myself: don’t take things so seriously and don’t let them affect you so much because this isn’t going to matter in a few years. The end is near and then it’s the real world and I’ll be missing the time when I went to school. HA that’ll be the day.
Alright. The worst of them all. Things that make me mad about myself. I hate that I make excuses for everything. Instead of just owning up to things, I always seem to have an excuse. I don’t know why, but I do. Also, I really suck at making decisions. Especially when it’s something like “What do you want for dinner?” I probably say “I don’t know” more than anything else. I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up, I don’t know where I want to live when I’m older, I don’t know what I’m even going to wear tomorrow so chillax. I hate that I don’t know how to comfort people when they’re sad. I just feel so awkward and say “mhm” a lot, but what do you even do? Hug them? What do you say? I don’t like the typical “It’s going to be okay” speech so I skip that. I don’t know what to do (see what I’m talking about with the I don’t knows). I tend to become agitated easily and I take my anger out on others. Sometimes I’m just in a bad mood and I don’t know why. I just don’t feel like talking to anyone and everything seems to annoy me. It happens way more than it should and I feel bad later when I realize how much of a jerk I was. I’m so harsh on people, too. I try not to be, but I can be quite judgmental. It’s not my fault though; some people are just unbearable. Pretty simple advice to myself: Try to be a better/nicer person and control your anger. Sounds simple, but it’s a huge struggle for me. Hopefully I’ll learn sooner rather than later.